


Not All Exits

by Toonbly



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Family Angst, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Death(?), Missing Persons, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rated T for violence n stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26210929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toonbly/pseuds/Toonbly
Summary: "When somebody leaves your life, those exits are not made equal."Gordon Freeman is many things. A brilliant young man, the leader of the Science Team, a father-And an absolute enigma in his son's life.Joshua Freeman is six years old when his father doesn't return from Black Mesa, and he's determined to find out what happened to him.A fic where Gordon goes missing in Black Mesa but the rest of the Science Team makes it out. They raise Joshua. Nobody knows what happened to Gordon. It gets wild.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Gordon Freeman & Joshua Freeman, Joshua Freeman & The Science Team
Comments: 48
Kudos: 356





	1. When Somebody Leaves Your Life

Joshua Freeman was six years old when he learned two things.

The first being things can change. He knew that in smaller ways beforehand, of course. He knew the seasons changed, from autumn to winter and so on. He knew the weather changed, too. On some days it was rainy, on others it was sunny. He also knew that there were animals that changed colors, people who changed their minds, a moon that changed phases, etc. He understood the concept of change in a very childish sense of the word- of course he did, though. That’s what he was. A child. The more youthful understanding of “change” is all he needed to know then. This understanding, however, would be quickly replaced with something much...larger. He learned that your family can change. Your home can change. The people you see everyday can change. Your life can change. Perhaps this was something nobody his age should understand. Though, that’s another thing that’s always changing. The things we do and don’t understand.

The second thing he learned was this:

His father is never coming home.

Gordon Freeman- from what Joshua has been told about him, that is- was an upstanding employee at the Black Mesa Research Facility. An up and coming theoretical physicist younger than most in his field, Gordon had proposed a study in which he himself would be at the center of the experiment. An experiment that, ultimately, would lead to his downfall.

An experiment that, in the end, meant Joshua would never see his father again.

Joshua Freeman is ten years old when he learns one thing:

Family is a little weird sometimes. Most of his peers at school spoke about having two parents, some combination of mothers and fathers. Joshua didn’t have that. His father had been gone for four years now and, at this point, he hardly remembered him. His other parent he never met, and Gordon had rarely spoken of them. He’s not even sure what they looked like, beyond that maybe they could’ve had blue eyes just like him. But no, Joshua doesn’t have a traditional family. Technically he has three parents. Technically. Only two of them are dating, and they’re old enough to be his grandparents.

Their names are Coomer and Bubby- though he tends to call them some variations of “pops” and “pa.” From what he knew, Coomer was his father’s mentor back in Black Mesa, and Bubby hadn’t met him until the day of the experiment. Coomer talks about Gordon the most, too. Well, aside from Tommy. Tommy was....Well, like a weird uncle to him. And he means “weird” in the most endearing manner possible. Most of the people in this house are a tad cryptic, but Tommy even moreso. Joshua swears he’s seen his eyes glow in the dark, back when the three of them used to tuck him into bed. Also, he has a dog! So that’s a pretty nice bonus!

Apparently, they’d all taken him under his wing after his father didn’t return from Black Mesa. They didn’t even know him. His dad had mentioned him throughout their journey, and that was the extent of what they knew. That he was Gordon’s. 

And that’s all they needed to know. That’s why they chose to look after him.

Joshua had a very...strange family dynamic, but he loved them all the same.

Joshua Freeman is thirteen years old when he learns a new name.

Tommy’s the one who says it- “Benrey.”

It almost makes him laugh, it sounds so...ridiculous, especially with the amount of caution Tommy says it with. It becomes a lot less funny when Bubby and Coomer are quick to silence Tommy. Bubby gives a more harsh hush, Coomer on the other hand...just. Blankly stares. Whatever is hidden in that stare, though, is enough to get Tommy to be quiet. Joshua, ever the nosy teenager, is quick to question who or what “Benrey” is.

He’s met with silence, followed by the promise of “We’ll tell you when you’re older.”

Joshua Freeman was fifteen years old when he learned the truth.

Or, the extent of what his family knows, anyhow.

The Black Mesa Incident occurred on March 6th, 2020. Gordon Freeman had been in charge of the examination of anomalous materials anonymously donated to Black Mesa. All he had to do was push a sample into a laser- that was it. Nothing should’ve happened beyond a few changes in the sample, if they were lucky. Instead they got something...much worse. Something much more disastrous.

After the Resonance Cascade, Joshua’s father teamed up with Tommy, Bubby, and Coomer to escape the walls of Black Mesa. They faced horrors beyond their comprehension- raids by the military, an onslaught of alien lifeforms, and at times even each other. Joshua hardly believed this was true until Coomer had taken to showing off one of the “ropes” he had kept from their journey. Despite all of their hardships, they were determined to make it home. Gordon was determined to see his son again.

But that wouldn’t happen, though.

Because on March 13th, 2020- a week after the Resonance Cascade- Gordon Freeman disappeared.

Nobody knew what had happened to him. Tommy described it as though he was...there one minute and gone the next. They were preparing to jump through a portal to an alien world they’d dubbed as Xen, and when they came through the portal...He wasn’t there.

He’d jumped through with them. They knew he had. They searched far and wide for him in this alien world, too. Their search ultimately proved futile.

Gordon Freeman had disappeared from right out under their noses.

And Joshua Freeman would never see his father again.

  
  


Joshua Freeman is eighteen years old when he makes a decision.

At this point, he’s grown up hearing stories about his father, a figure in his life he only has vague memories of. Coomer tells him that Gordon was one of the most brilliant young men to ever walk through the walls of Black Mesa. Tommy focuses more on Gordon’s brighter qualities, how easy it was to make him laugh, his leadership skills, how caring he was towards the team. Coomer took to bragging about Gordon’s abilities in battle- especially after gaining what Coomer referred to as his “minigun arm.” Bubby, on the other hand, was a lot more blunt. Not in a cruel way, of course. The way Bubby describes Gordon’s irritability is said in a manner that almost sounds affectionate. Bubby’s good at that, saying he cares without actually saying it.

It paints a picture of the father Joshua never knew. It’s not a perfect portrait by any means, and it’s still one that's rather...blurry.

There are things the science team still aren’t telling him. He knows that for a fact. They still become anxious when Joshua asks who Benrey is. When he questions how exactly Gordon ended up with a “minigun arm.” When he asks what’s the last thing Gordon said to them.

On his eighteenth birthday, Joshua Freeman makes a decision.

He’s going to find out what happened to his father. No matter what it takes. 


	2. Three Tales

Growing up, Joshua heard three stories about his father.

The first came from, who else, Coomer. Joshua was around twelve, maybe thirteen, at the time and had taken up an interest in machinery. Taking things apart, figuring out what makes them tick, changing some things around, and putting the back together again. Joshua hadn’t had an obsession this intense since his cowboys phase (and oh, God, we don’t talk about the cowboys phase.) Coomer, Bubby, and Tommy had agreed to help him set up his own little lab space somewhere in the house. Where the room had come from or how long it had been there, Joshua didn’t know. Weird things happen in this house all the time. He has no reason to question it. Coomer was the one helping him set up the lab area.

“You know,” Coomer had said, “this reminds me of when your father first joined us at Black Mesa!”

Joshua looked up from sifting through a box of tools lended to him by his uncle Darnold, “Huh?”

“You remember how I told you that I was Gordon’s mentor for some time?”

“Oh- Yeah?” He signs.

“Well that meant supervising him on his first day! Which also meant helping him set up his office...Let me tell you, he was an anxious mess back then!”

Joshua tilts his head to the side, “I thought you said he was really cool and brave n’ stuff?”

“He was! But people can change over the years, Joshua! For one to learn bravery, they must first know fear!” Coomer gave Joshua a warm smile, stepping back as he finished nailing one of the shelves to the wall. “Of course his office set up wasn’t this extreme- It was just helping him unpack his things and telling him where certain areas and whatnot are located.”

Coomer picked up his cup of coffee off the small desk, “And it was all going fine and dandy, of course! Your father was a very polite young man, if not somewhat awkward back then. Kept muttering his please and thank you’s as I assisted him- and then there was the incident in the break room.”

“Is this about that time he blew up a microwave?”

“Oh no, different story!”

“So dad was a clutz. Got it.”

“Clumsy beyond belief! While we were in the break room he accidentally spilled coffee all over my coat! You’d’ve sworn it was the end of the world with the way he reacted, kept patting down my lab coat and apologizing over and over again.” Coomer chuckled fondly, “It was a mess, but- Of course I assured him all was well, he mellowed out over the coming months too.”

Joshua blinked, “What does that have to do with us building a lab?”

“Ah! I’m. Not entirely sure? I suppose it’s the feeling of starting something new! An entirely different path that, perhaps, we hadn’t considered before!” He looks to Joshua with a proud smile, “You’re like your father, in that sense! Trying something new, experimentation! I..Think he would be proud of you if he saw all of this.”

There’s a small silence before Joshua laughs a little.

“Pfft- You’re sappy.”

“I’d certainly hope I am! If expressing my pride in my family makes me a sap then, well! A sap I am, Joshua!”

They continue the construction of this little lab in a comfortable silence for the next few hours.

Coomer was good at that. Usually talking about his father with the others was followed by a somewhat...uncomfortable atmosphere, but Coomer was different. For the most part he was open about Gordon, and allowed Joshua to be open about him as well without any discomfort. Coomer was good at being comforting. 

The second came from Bubby on the day Joshua turned fifteen. That was when they’d finally, _finally_ decided to tell him what had happened in Black Mesa. 

They’d dodged around more gruesome details, sure, but Joshua got the gist of it. An experiment went wrong, aliens invaded, lots of people died, Gordon lost a hand at some point, US military attacked, and once they’d arrived on an alien planet Gordon just...disappeared. Most of these events were accounted in their entirety- again, avoiding the more graphic details- save for one of them.

Gordon losing his hand.

Hell, they’d tried to brush over it like it was nothing. A quick mention, as if it were some small minute detail in one grand space opera. The air of unease that blanketed the room once Joshua reacted in shock was heavy. Coomer was the one who backtracked, attempting to provide extra context, before Bubby interrupted and said it was just an accident. Something about the way his voice wavered told Joshua otherwise, though.

So, Joshua, ever the stubborn one, cornered him. Once the others had cleared from the room, Joshua didn’t waste a moment of his time.

He slammed his hands down on the coffee table, attempting to appear intimidating (as intimidating as a freckled, scrawny fifteen year old can be, that is.) Bubby flinched, though it wasn’t because of Joshua’s attempt at intimidation.

“What happened?” Joshua demanded, gesturing his hands in clear frustration.

“I, uh- Kid, what’re you on about?”

“My dad lost his hand, and you- you keep acting. Weird about it!”

“I feel like most people would act a little miffed over their friend losing a limb, Joshua.”

“No, pa- That’s not what I mean!”

Bubby gritted his teeth, “Look, kid, you’ve just had a lot of information dumped on you about this whole deal. I don’t think you-”

“I wanna know!”

A silence fell over them once again. This one somehow managed to be much more tense than the last. Maybe it was due to Tommy and Coomer’s absence, maybe it was because of the way Bubby nervously shifted in his seat, maybe it was Joshua’s shaking fists on the coffee table. Whatever it was, it was uncomfortable. And whatever it was, it struck a nerve for Bubby.

After awhile, Bubby huffs, “Fine- But no gruesome details.”

“Fine.”

“US military.”

Huh.

“Excuse me?”

“I told you what happened!”

“That doesn’t tell me anything???”

“I said no gruesome-”

“That wasn’t even ‘no gruesome details!’ That was just- NO details!”

“Ugh, alright alright- You’re stubborn, you know that? Runs in your blood.”

“Pa.”

There’s that tension again. Bubby flinched, his claws dug into the couch, he avoided Joshua’s gaze. Somehow with barely any questioning Joshua had cornered him, hook, line, and sinker- Maybe it’s the stubbornness. Maybe it’s because Bubby recognized the fire in Joshua’s eyes.

“Alright,” Bubby said, his voice wavering a bit, “Fine. There was...Someone who tagged along with us for some time. They and your father didn’t get along very well, ninety percent of their conversations were just bickering. It was _annoying._ All day it’d be a back and forth between those two, but- That’s getting a tad off track.” He sat back, crossing his arms over his chest, still not looking towards Joshua, “This person was...very antagonistic towards your father. In their defense, he was a bit of a prick, but- They took it too far. They sold him out to the military and, well..”

A pause.

“I did say no gruesome details.”

Another silence.

A long, uncomfortable silence.

“...Who were they?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Bubby’s answer was quicker than he would’ve liked it to be, “They’re gone, too. Not sure where they ended up.”

“So you just- LET whoever did this get away with it!?”

“Hell no we didn’t! Honestly I would’ve strangled the little pest given the chance- But. Well, can’t exactly do that if they’re not...here anymore.”

“Are...Are they dead?”

“I’d assume so.”

Again, silence.

Again, it’s broken by Bubby. Bubby stood, awkwardly rubbing his arm as he did so, “Look, I uh...I know this is a lot. Just- Know we’re. Here for you, okay kid? None of that ‘hiding my feels about how my dad disappeared’ bullshit. If something’s wrong or you have any questions, you come talk to us.”

“...Yeah, alright.”

With that, Bubby left the room.

There was something he wasn’t telling Joshua and he knew it.

How bad Bubby shook as he walked away was a dead giveaway.

He just wanted _answers._

The third and final story came from Tommy, and it was never finished. 

Tommy had taken Joshua out for a walk with Sunkist whenever he was seventeen. So, not that long ago, in fact this was a few weeks before now. Somehow the topic had been switched over to Black Mesa- something about needing to rescue Sunkist from the only remaining soldier of the military. Joshua, at this point, had become pretty numb to the fact that his family had apparently wiped out the entirety of a militant force. They’ve done worse, probably. Maybe.

Definitely.

“-and Sunkist was okay because- because she’s immortal! But we had to save her anyway ‘cause she’s scared of bullets.” Tommy said.

“How did your dog even get inside Black Mesa anyway?” Joshua held back a laugh.

“That’s a good question!”

This was never elaborated on.

“And your- your dad helped rescue her, too! He was always good at doing, um...doing leader stuff!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard you guys prattle on about how cool and brave he was all the time.”

“Oh no, Mr.Freeman was the farthest thing from cool!”

That earned a laugh out of Joshua.

“Joshua, your- your dad used to run at things and yell things like- like ‘Gordon SPIN MOVE’ and ‘GORDON SPRINT.’ He was not cool.”

“Dad’s a dork, I’ll add that one to the list.”

“Y-Yeah! But he had a- he had a really big heart! He always wanted to make sure that things were okay and even when things got- got bad, he uhh..Tried to be the leader, still!” Tommy went quiet for a moment. His expression dropped from something giddy and gleeful to something a lot more...serious, “Sometimes I uh...I think he pushed himself a lot.”

“Whaddaya mean?”

“I mean he- he always wanted to be the one in charge! Which is okay ‘cause he was good at it! But...Even after he got...well, his arm...He kept- kept trying to be all hero-y! But it’s- It’s okay! He let me step back and take care of some things!”

“Huh...From the way you guys talked about him, he seemed a little…”

“Stubborn?”

“Yeah. Stubborn.”

“He- He was! But things got a little...bad? I had to- to fight off a whole horde of enemies by myself once! Which is- is fine, I’m a really good shot! Mr.Freeman just couldn’t do it because, uh- cause Coomer-”

Tommy froze.

“...Huh?”

“I..Uh-”

“Did Pa do something?”

“Well, I uh- No! He was just scared!”

“Of what?”

No answer.

“...Tommy what was he scared of?”

Tommy sighed, “There was...a- a lot going on in Black Mesa, and aliens- and monsters n stuff just- Makes you scared!”

“But-”

“I think we- we need to go home, now! Sunkist has had enough of- had enough walking today! Right, Sunkist?” Tommy tugged on Sunkist’s leash to get her attention.

Sunkist looked back at Tommy as if he did not, in fact, want to go home. But a man’s best friend can always sense when a situation is getting a _little_ too tense for comfort, so she comes running back with a happy bark. 

They walked back home, but not in silence. Tommy had taken to chattering on and on about other things- Sunkist, his dad, Darnold- but Joshua wasn’t paying much attention.

The question lingered at the back of his mind- Just what was Tommy going on about? How would Coomer being afraid result in his father not being able to protect himself? Maybe they didn’t correlate- Tommy words things weirdly sometimes, after all. Maybe it was all just because of the hand. Maybe Coomer wasn’t as brave as Joshua had assumed.

Maybe these were all questions that Joshua would never find an answer to.

Joshua Freeman is eighteen years old as of today.

It’s late. Too late for him to be awake.

His family is asleep.

He sits on his bed, running his fingers over the top of a box wrapped in black, ornate paper. His hand trembles, his breath hitches, not knowing what’s inside.

On his eighteenth birthday, Joshua Freeman will make a decision.


	3. Eighteen Years

Birthdays were weird for Joshua.

Not in a bad way, most of the time. Usually they were “weird” in the sense that Bubby had accidentally lit the cake’s candles aflame- Yes, that’s what you’re supposed to do with candles. What you’re not supposed to do is turn the cake into a bonfire. Bubby was good at turning the cake into a bonfire. It gets weirder whenever his extended family comes around. He loves ‘em to death, though. It’s not like he isn’t used to it. Tommy’s dad- Mr.Coolatta or “Gramps” as Joshua had taken to calling him- was the strangest of the bunch. He kind of tended to just...appear, and spoke in a very slow, almost inhuman tone. Joshua hasn’t seen him yet this week, but he’s sure he will soon. Gramps always has a way of surprising him.

But, they’re also weird in...less nice ways. Less “My entire family are a bunch of monsters and I mean that in the most endearing way possible” sort of ways.

Absence is something familiar to him. It shouldn’t be. Joshua became well acquainted with the concept the day of the Black Mesa Incident, when his father didn’t return home that night and...Well, now he never would.

It’s strange. He hardly remembers the guy and yet every single year a part of him is disappointed whenever he doesn’t see that fuzzy smile wishing him a happy birthday and saying good morning. Every single year it’s the same- He always feels that absence and he’s not sure why. How do you miss someone you’ve only heard stories about?

At the very least, he doesn’t have to worry about that today. The thought still looms over him, though. It always does.

“Ah, hello, Joshua!”

Coomer’s voice crashes his train of thought.

The whirs of machinery and clanking of metal that fills the small lab are gone almost as quickly as they’d begun. On a small workbench sits a broken old radio, one that clearly hadn’t been in use for well over a decade. It’s buttons and knobs are either smashed or lodged inside of their sockets, the wires inside exposed at the back, and the speaker torn clean off and set to the side. Joshua sets down his tools, lifting up his goggles and turning to see Doctor Coomer standing there, smiling jovially as ever.

“Oh, uh, hey pops.” Joshua signs.

“I hope you don’t mind my interruption, I know this is your little tinkering time, but- your uncle Darnold has stopped by to see you! He has a surprise for you!”

“A surprise? He knows my birthday is tomorrow, right?”

“Of course! But he said he has some...arrangements tomorrow, and likely won’t be able to make it. So! Won’t you come see him now?”

“I mean, yeah. Sure, why not.”

Joshua stands from his stool, walking over to meet Coomer in the doorway of the garage. As they walk, Coomer turns to Joshua.

“So what _were_ you tinkering with in there, anyhow?” He asks.

“Oh, uh. Pa found this old radio and I offered to fix it for him. I was kinda hoping I could get it to do something more though..”

“Something more?”

“Yeah, like- I dunno. Add some sort of communication feature in, maybe? It’s a little small but if I expand it a little bit I should be able to fit the proper wiring in for it..”

“Oh I’m sure Bubby would love that!”

“I’m gonna be honest? I completely forgot I was doing this for him. Like, it’s just become another Joshua project at this point. I’m still gonna give it back to him but- Yeah.”

“Well whatever you do we’re sure it’ll be great! Brilliance runs in your blood, after all!”

Joshua snorts, “Yeah? When did dad ever build a giant killer robot?”

“I don’t believe you’ve built a giant killer robot yet, Joshua!”

“Maybe I have. You don’t know that.”

“I feel like I would know that!”

“Uhh...Guys?”

A new voice pipes up- Darnold’s sitting in the living room next to Tommy. There’s a small box in his lap, wrapped with an ornate black paper. He looks. _Somewhat concerned_ from overhearing his nephew talk about building a giant killer robot, to say the very least.

“Oh, uh- Hey, uncle Darnold.” Joshua clears his throat, “That. Was a joke, I haven’t built a giant killer robot.”

“You should!” Bubby pipes up.

“It would be very interesting, Joshua!” Coomer adds.

“Okay I am NOT building a giant death robot.”

“You said giant killer robot not giant DEATH robot!”

“Guys-” Darnold interrupts by shaking the box in his hands, though not roughly. Even so, there’s the sound of glass clinking against the box as it rattles, “I uh...Hate to rush, but I kinda have something I need to get to.”

“Well that’s not ominous.” Joshua says, as he sits down next to Darnold.

“Uhhh..Yeah, well, you know- I’ve just been. Sorting some stuff out.”

“You realize that doesn’t help your case at all, right?”

Darnold tries (and fails) to hold back a snort, handing the box to Joshua, “Just take your dang gift alright, kid?”

Joshua chuckles and takes the box from Darnold, ripping the wrapping paper to shreds. Saving the wrapper is for cowards, that’s what Bubby always said! He pops the lid off and inside he finds a small, black case. Lifting it out of the box and opening that, there’s a handful of glass vials with varying colorful liquids inside- Each helpfully labelled with things like “Health Potion” and “Tinkering Potion.”

“Whoa- What’s this one do?” Joshua grabs one of the vials labelled “Tinkering,” shaking it around gently. Inside is a bright, orange liquid with little splotches of yellow here and there.

“Helps increase your workflow! You said you have trouble focusing sometimes so...Hey! It could help!”

“Holy shit- Wait. Am I allowed to drink potions now? Is that a thing? You guys said I couldn’t.”

“Well the last time you asked you were- were just a baby, Josh! We didn’t know what would happen to you if- if you did!” Tommy says.

“Oh, come on, Tommy!” Darnold laughs, a little nervously, “None of my potions have gone...Unexpectedly wrong ever since I tried fixing Dr.Freeman’s arm.”

Joshua blinks, “You did that with a _potion?”_

“Well, yeah? I wasn’t in the robotics department, Joshie.”

“How the fuck do you make someone grow an _entire gun_ out of their arm with a _potion?”_

“Good question! I don’t have an answer.”

Joshua let out a hearty laugh, “Dad’s gun arm was a freak accident caused via potions, I’ll write that one down.”

“Hey if you also somehow manage to grow a gun-limb then don’t blame me.”

“I think I will, actually.”

“Well! That’s a problem for a Darnold on a different day,” Darnold says, standing up and clapping his hands together. “I uh..Really hate to rush, but I’ve got some stuff I gotta take care of. Happy early birthday, Josh!” He ruffles Joshua’s hair a bit before walking to the door.

Before he can leave, though, he stops. Darnold looks back to Joshua, something about his expression is...Well, hard to define. Joshua can’t tell if it’s worry or fondness.

“I’ll uh...I’ll see you soon.”

And with that, Darnold leaves.

\---

It’s not long after the guests have all left and the birthday party is essentially over. Joshua, though he enjoyed their little celebration, is...relieved. It’s late, the sun has set, and it’s good to have some quiet tonight. The others take to tidying up the place a little bit as Joshua looks over some of the things gifted to him. Many of them were old pieces of broken machinery for him to experiment with later- something he rambled about for hours upon hours after receiving them. The possibilities were endless, after all! Others were things like tools, scrap parts, etc. Bubby had even gotten him a copy of Red Dead Redemption 2 because- Jesus Christ, the cowboys phase. Bubby would never let him live down the cowboys phase.

“Ah, well! It seems most everyone has cleared out now, hasn’t it?” Coomer’s voice still manages to BOOM throughout the room despite him- for once in his life- speaking with his inside voice. 

Joshua only briefly looks away from his pile of scrap metal to sign back, “Guess so, yeah.”

“Well then that means we can bring out the special surprise!” 

Okay, yeah, that gets him to look. “Special surprise?”

That also brings Tommy running into the room, “Oh, oh, oh!!! Dr.Coomer let- let me get it!” He says.

“Of course, Tommy!”

And as quickly as he entered, Tommy left the room.

“What’s, uh...What’s all that about?” 

“It’s a surprise, dummy!” Bubby pipes up, “We can’t just spoil the surprise!”

“I mean...you could.”

“And what fun would that be?”

Joshua, instead of giving a proper response, sticks his tongue out at Bubby and leans back in his chair. It’s not long after that Tommy comes running back into the room, carrying a...case with him? That’s not suspicious in the slightest.

Tommy sits down across from Joshua, placing the case on the coffee table between them. Coomer and Bubby sit beside Tommy while Joshua eyes the case suspiciously before reaching to open it.

Coomer sticks his hand out, “Up, up, up! Wait a moment, Joshua!” He retracts his hand, “There is something we...do need to tell you before you open this. It’s a special gift, we wanted to save it for last!”

Joshua looks down at the case, then up at Coomer again, “You know, the more you hype this mysterious black case up the more I think you’re giving me a fucking gun or something.”

That earns a laugh from Bubby, “Now THAT would be a gift! But, ah, Gordon would probably kill us for that.”

“Even so!” Coomer says, “While it’s not anything that _exciting,_ we do know it’s...something your father would want you to have. Now, we’re not entirely sure how much use you’ll get out of it, but- consider it an heirloom, of sorts!”

“So- So go on and open it!!!” Tommy says, practically bouncing in his seat.

Joshua looks to the three of them, then once again back down to the case. He reaches over, taking it and placing it in his lap. Popping it open, he finds-

...A crowbar?

He takes it, running his fingers over the old, rusted metal. It’s scratched, stained in various brown and red substances (especially on the head), and heavy in his hands. He examines it curiously, confused as to why his dad would want-

..Wait a second.

“...Is this-”

“Your dad’s old crowbar, yes!” Coomer interrupts, “We found it lying on the ground soon after he...well.” He clears his throat, “You’d be surprised how many aliens heads he bashed in with that puppy!”

“Yeah, no, I can tell. Holy _shit.”_

“Don’t hype him up too much,” Bubby snorts, “I also saw him smack himself in the face with that thing, once. He was doing that stupid- What did he call it?”

“GORDON SPIN MOVE!” Tommy shouts.

“That. Conked himself right in the nose- He’s lucky there was a medical station right there.”

Joshua laughs, not taking his eyes off the crowbar and he rotates it in his hands. Every little scratch, every mark, was a result of something his father had done. This was a tool- well, a weapon- Gordon once wielded and now it’s...here. Right in Joshua’s hands. It’s here, it’s real, it’s proof of the legends that his family would tell him about. It’s _here._

Absence is a familiar concept to Joshua Freeman. He feels it every year on his birthday when he doesn’t see that warm smile, he feels it every morning when that distant yet familiar voice doesn’t wake him up for school, he feels it every single time his family tells him the tales of Gordon Freeman and his adventures through Black Mesa. 

This tool, by no means, makes that feeling go away completely. But something about it being here, in Joshua’s hands, proof that Gordon Freeman existed and that he did all of those things the team said he did-

It...helped, even if just a little.

Because it was a part of him. It was a part of Gordon.

And now it’s here with Joshua, firm and fitting in his hands.

“...Thank you guys.”

\---

Joshua isn’t paying much attention as he walks to his bedroom, ready to retire for the night. He’s too busy staring down at the crowbar- his father’s crowbar- gifted to him moments before. Studying every mark and every scratch in the metal with endless curiosity, he doesn’t notice someone standing right in front of him.

He bumps into them, stumbling back with the tact and grace of a newborn deer, “Oh- Fuck, uh- Sorry, pa, I-”

He looks up, half expecting to see Bubby or maybe Coomer or Tommy standing in front of him, but no. Instead, he’s greeted with glowing yellow eyes staring down at him. The man in front of him is tall, almost sickly pale, dressed in a tidy black suit.

It only takes a moment for Joshua to register who this is.

He blinks, “Gramps? You’re uh- a little late to the party, I know time is weird for you and all, but-”

“Joshua, not so loud,” Gman says, chuckling lightly, “Your family...doesn’t know I’m here. Apologies for not being able to make it to your little...celebration, I have a few...obligations to take care of. But, ah, I do have something I’d like to give you. It is with utmost importance that you receive this gift tonight, after all.”

Gman hands Joshua a small box, wrapped in an ornate black paper- something Joshua _swore_ wasn’t in his hands moments ago. On the top is an orange symbol that...Joshua doesn’t recognize. On top of the box is also a small, folded piece of paper. Hesitantly, Joshua takes it, unfolding it.

In fancy, almost too neat to be handwritten letters, is the phrase: “For your eyes only.”

“..Gramps, what is-”

Joshua looks up, only to find Gman no longer standing there.

...Weird.

\---

Joshua waits until later that night. He’s alone in his room, the only light being a small flashlight he held underneath his blanket. Shoving his head under the covers, Joshua pulled out the box Gman had handed to him.

“For your eyes only” the note reminded him.

Right.

For his eyes only.

All he had to do was open it and see what special birthday surprise this- strange, cryptic man he calls his grandfather has given him! It’s that easy!

…

Okay, yeah, it’s not that easy.

His hand hovering over the box to tear up the wrapper is enough to make his stomach churn, and he’s not sure why.

Gman has always been a man of many secrets- frankly, everyone in this house has. Though what Mr.Coolatta got up to was always on a very...different level. Coomer, Tommy, and Bubby had a habit of letting secrets spill, but Gman had an uncanny ability to keep everything close to his chest. The most Joshua knew was he had some “employers ”who wanted him to “take care of some things” and that he’s not 100% human. Though, nobody in this house is- nobody except Joshua. 

So the concept of being told one of these secrets- of being invited into this world of mystery that surrounded Gman’s day to day life- was…

Intimidating doesn’t even begin to describe it.

Joshua takes a deep breath.

_Okay. Y_ _ou can do this...It’s just. A box. A small box. Gotta...Gotta be brave. Just like dad. Just like dad…”_

Slowly, he tears off the wrapping paper and opens the box.

Inside are two things:

The first and most notable being a glove- Wait, no, a gauntlet? It definitely goes on someone’s upper arm. It’s orange and black, metallic with soft lining where the joints would go. The back of the hand and fingers are plated with orange metal as well. At the end of the gauntlet is more of that soft, black lining that’s been cut rather..jaggedly. Joshua, unable to resist temptation, sticks the gauntlet on his right arm. It by no means fits, it’s clearly meant for a much older, larger man, not some scrawny teenage boy. Still, he twists his arm around to get a good look at it.

It’s only then that he notices the lower portion of the glove has been coated in a thick, dry, reddish-brown substance.

He throws it off immediately.

The second was another folded piece of paper. Joshua is quick to grab it, hoping for some sort of explanation. Sure enough, on the paper is that same, too fancy to be human handwriting.

_“Joshua Freeman,_

_I’ve taken the liberty of bringing this ‘gift’ to you on your eighteenth ‘birthday.’ To be frank, this occasion is still something I’ve...yet to understand. Tommy has explained it to me many, many times before, and yet it’s still lost on me. You humans have very...peculiar habits, hm?_

_Though I may not understand your traditions, there is one thing I do understand:_

_There are answers you’ve been searching for. Answers that your family has refused to give you._

_Don’t be mistaken, Joshua, their secrecy is not out of distrust. More than anything, it’s out of love. They are attempting to protect you, to shield you from the truth of the matter, but...I believe it’s time._

_The true nature of what happened to your father, Gordon Freeman, is on a need-to-know basis._

_And you, Joshua Freeman-_

**_Deserve to know.”_ **

Joshua’s heart drops into his stomach. There’s more to the note but- That’s enough for him to need to take pause. Gman knew- He KNEW what happened to his father. Or, maybe he knew? Obviously he did, why else would he give him this-

_Okay, stop it. Take a breath. Keep reading. Be brave._

_Just like dad._

_Just like dad…_

_“Unfortunately, informing you through this written letter would be...detrimental to my plans. Risking any of your family finding out would only mean you not getting the answers you desire._

_If you’re keen on accepting my offer, then I request we meet sometime soon. You can find me in Ravenholm park. Don’t worry about the time or day. I’ll be there when you are ready._

_The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference._

_So it’s time to wake up, Joshua Freeman. Wake up and smell the ashes.”_

Joshua takes another deep breath, reading the letter over and over again.

Right, none of them can know about this- Coomer, Bubby, Tommy- none of them. He loves them to death, but he just knows they’ll do anything he can to stop him from learning the truth. It’s not out of distrust, it’s not out of malice, it’s out of love- He knows that. He _knows_ that but-

He’s so tired of _not_ knowing.

“I’ll be there when you are ready.”

Joshua glances out his bedroom window.

It’s late at night, by now his family are all resting in bed. The cicadas outside are chirping, the stars are shining, the moon is bright. It’s just like any other Summer night. Quiet, calm, unexpecting.

He stands, grabbing the gauntlet, the case of potions Darnold gifted him, and his father’s old crowbar before walking to the window and cracking it open.

Joshua stands still. Staring out into the night.

Ravenholm park, huh?

…

He takes a deep breath.

_You’ve gotta be brave. You’ve gotta be brave, just like dad, okay? Just like dad..._

Joshua hoists himself up onto the windowsill.

And on his eighteenth birthday, Joshua Freeman makes a decision.


End file.
